Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Wedding snapshots

So the whole wedding thing happened: parental and sibling meet & greet, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, ceremony, reception, Sunday brunch at our place. And it was awesome. Somehow, although I'd thought through every damn detail with an eye toward its being fun, running smoothly, etc., I never paused to imagine my own pleasure. That is, there were things I thought would suck, and things I thought would be cool, but I was always imagining the events from the perspective of a guest. Turns out? When you design exactly the wedding you'd like to attend, it's really fun for you to attend it!

Herewith a few observations:

-The idea that weddings require gifts is deep-seated. We got gifts from people we've never met (my brother's girlfriend's parents), people we know only slightly (the parents of friends), and a whole bunch of people we love but couldn't invite. Maybe this shouldn't have astonished me, but it did.

-On the other hand, we got some sweet gifts. And lots of bucks.

-Advocates for same-sex marriage are right in wanting in on this--not the gifts per se, but whatever it is that causes people to feel a unique stake in relationships that are publicly validated and celebrated. (But the gifts are awesome too. Waterford crystal, yo!)

-The wedding coordinator provided by the church was horrible: exactly the opposite of everyone else who works for the church--including the priest--in her reflexive wedding orthodoxy. She acted like our procession (best man/best lady, Cosimo's parents, my parents, us) was the weirdest and most confusing thing in the world; she didn't know how to handle seating arrangements when there wasn't a parade of attendants, and she couldn't imagine how the priest could possibly introduce us to the congregation without using the formula "Mr. and Mrs. Cosimo de Medici."

-Fortunately, that was nearly our only encounter with that kind of attitude.

-The downside of doing everything yourself: you have to do everything yourself. And you wind up owning 12 white tablecloths and 14 pots of chrysanthemums.

-Wedding cannoli are infinitely superior to wedding cake.

-Happiness is having friends who, when you make a 4-hour dance mix (just in case!), stay, dancing, until the goddamn last song.

-Also, friends who bust out their break dancing moves. And aren't afraid of the air guitar.

-In fact, let's just say that happiness = friends who feel like family and family who feel like friends. And a weekend spent expanding both circles is extra-special awesome.

-I promised I'd give the price tag, so here it is: $6,200, for literally everything involved in a church ceremony and a luncheon reception for 75 people--all the way down to ring-sizing and postage and printing costs.

-It was a great weekend and it was exactly the wedding we wanted, but it's over and that's fine. There's life after wedding planning, and thank goodness.


Ianqui said...

Congratulations! I'm glad to hear it was everything you'd hoped for!

FLG said...

Air guitar?! Awesome!


rachel said...

mazal tov -- and on the tenure binder also! you are brave to have planned both for the same week

we got married in July -- wanted the wedding you seemed to have, somehow were talked in to 200+ people/$40,000+ (luckily, we weren't doing the paying) kind of wedding. still, it was an amazing thing that worked brilliantly (especially considering hoops that needed to be jumped around same-sex/inter-faith/bi-racial stuff). my only public e-based recollection is, quite randomly, here: http://fatshionista.livejournal.com/7179795.html

anyhow, many congrats to you and cosimo! i hope your marriage is full of good humour, crazy adventures, loads of compassion and great times.

Dr. Koshary said...

Mazel tov! Sounds like a great time, retrograde coordinator notwithstanding.

Everything from the cannoli to the end of the post sounds fantastic. (Tell me you froze a few cannoli for visiting bloggers. Please.)

Flavia said...

FLG: there was plenty of air guitar and other dance floor dramatics. Our friends and family can bust a few moves. (Also: that first song we're pictured dancing to? Dino.)

Dr. K: the cannoli are from the best Italian bakery in the city--about a mile from our house. Visiting bloggers get fresh ones.

Dr. Virago said...

Congratulations! (I bet the wedding planner would cringe at that, too -- I'm supposed to say "Best Wishes" to you and congratulate Cosimo. Don't get me started on how disturbing that is.)

And can I say that is a *fabulous* non-white wedding dress! I love how it references lacy wedding dresses without actually *being* one. Also, love the mid-century modern color palette of teals and warm rusts, browns, and oranges -- perfect for an autumn wedding! (Although, perhaps my monitor is not seeing them correctly.)

I may come to you for advice in the future if Bullock and I ever plan such an event, because your way is exactly what we'd want, too (minus the church).

Btw, it never occurred to me (or else I missed it) that Cosimo's last name on the blog is De Medici. Of *course* it is!

Phoebe Maltz Bovy said...

Great dress, and congrats!

What Now? said...

I'm so happy for you all that the wedding went smoothly (the hitching went off without a hitch?) and that you all had a fabulous time. Many congratulations, and blessings to you both!

G-Fav said...

I wanted to corroborate reports that THE CANNOLI WERE AWESOME. (and everything and everyone else!)


Renaissance Girl said...

Excellent calla lilies.

And re: the cannoli: I heard that.

Historiann said...

Beautiful dress & a great idea for the cannoli. (Who really likes cake as an adult anyway?)

And it's a bonus that you had fun! I too was really overwhelmed by how *happy* I was to see all of my best friends and family in one room smiling at us. That was IMHO the very best part.

Susan said...

Congratulations! I love the dress! And the idea of wedding cannoli is great, though we had an apple raisin cake that was truly luscious. But traditional white wedding cake is truly horrible.

Fortunately, I didn't have a coordinator, so no one to be horrified that I didn't have a bevy of bridesmaids!

Britta said...

Congratulations, and also, beautiful dress. The color is really unique and gorgeous.

Flavia said...

Thanks, guys!

Re: the dress: the color doesn't come through quite right in photos--teal remains its best descriptor, but it's got more of a silvery/pewtery cast to it than that. It's definitely a color distinctive to the 1950s/60s.

Re: flowers: I was getting close to foregoing flowers entirely, especially when I learned what actual florists were charging per stem for callas. But in the end Wegmans came through. I bought six generous bunches for $60 and we got two bouquets and four boutonnieres out of 'em (gold & purple for me & the spouse, white for the best lady, best man, and the fathers).

And Dr. V: I'd actually never assigned Cosimo a last name prior to this post. But his pseudonym derives partly from the fact that a grad school compatriot of his once introduced him to someone else at a conference as "the Cosimo di Medici of the [name of their grad school] mafia." So it seemed appropriate. And you KNOW the Medici do weddings up right!

Lucky Jane said...

Mazel tov! It looks and sounds lovely.

Withywindle said...


cattyinqueens said...

So you will expect this, then, but that dress must've really worked with your gorgeous eyes!! :)


Congrats to you both! (and congrats on getting that file in as well. Win, win.