Dear Baby-Faced Male Student Who Is Actually Nearly 30,
I'm glad that you came to see me today to discuss your writing. I was interested to learn more about your background and happy to offer some career advice. However, I was less thrilled by the pungent cologne that your chose to wear to this meeting. I very much hope that this was not applied for my benefit--but since I've never noticed the offending scent when returning homework assignments or talking with you in class, I fear that it may have been. Please: throw that shit out ASAP.
Dear Totally Brilliant History Major,
I can't believe that you wrote your 82-page senior essay on a subject very similar to one of my own projects, and I can't wait to attend your presentation at RU's student scholarship fair. I'm sure you'll get into a great graduate program. But--maybe when you speak in class, you could do so at a slightly higher volume? You participate a lot, and you don't appear to be shy, but you need to PROJECT, my friend.
Thanks! Love you!
Dear Formerly Cheerful Student,
Yes, it's true that I busted you for text-messaging in class when you should have been working with your group, and I'm sure that was embarrassing--even though I did so privately and I doubt any of your classmates noticed.
HOWEVER, the appropriate response to being busted is not to mentally absent yourself from the class for the next hour and ten minutes by sitting four feet away from the rest of your group and not talking to them. Snap out of it!
Dear Student in All Three of My Classes,
I admit it: I was concerned when I discovered that a brand-new transfer student had registered--at the very last minute--for all three of my classes. I assumed that you were a clueless and poorly-advised community college transfer, and that you'd do badly and soon hate me.
I had no idea that you would turn out to be one of my very smartest students and a funny, delightful person. And the fact that you already have an undergraduate degree in music performance? Means you can scan and close-read the shit out of any poem you encounter.
I'm so happy you're in my classes. I'm even happier that you seen to have become friends with another of my favorite students.
Thanks for existing!