tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post7178191405782772010..comments2023-12-23T04:56:29.702-05:00Comments on Ferule & Fescue: The two-body problem affects more than two bodiesFlaviahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17832765671541392835noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post-66757092111110450352015-01-03T21:20:13.817-05:002015-01-03T21:20:13.817-05:00You're so right!
My partner and I do really w...You're so right! <br />My partner and I do really well at living apart - most of the time, we don't feel like our relationship is stressed by the separation very much or at all. I live and work in the town where I grew up, and the partner lives and works one very long days' drive or a two-hour airplane trip away from me. Sooner or later we'll both be there and not here-in-my-hometown. <br /><br />But a totally unanticipated by me annoyance is how much my family wants to monopolize my partner-time when he is here. I mean, I'm glad that they like him, but it is really frustrating when they all seem to expect me to prioritize us spending time as a couple with everyone in my family - and what we want to do is spend time as a couple without them.<br /><br />We're looking forward to the time when I don't live in the same town as my family any more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post-19687900516287351032014-12-05T18:43:58.899-05:002014-12-05T18:43:58.899-05:00Yes, RG & SvdL, the money thing is huge. Just ...Yes, RG & SvdL, the money thing is huge. Just maintaining two households is a real expense (though obviously no worse than it is for single people, unless both households need to be kid-sized), but travel is a whole 'nothing ball of wax, especially for those like you who have to do it by plane.<br /><br />(And S, I was thinking of your situation as I wrote, as yours may be the most difficult of all those I know of. Thanks for adding more details/difficulties I hadn't considered.)Flaviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17832765671541392835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post-40993936129252427412014-12-03T23:47:38.070-05:002014-12-03T23:47:38.070-05:00Everything you say is so, so true, and I'm so ...Everything you say is so, so true, and I'm so glad you put this out there. As you know, on and off* for the last eight years I've been juggling a job in a small town in the Midwest, a partner in a remote location in the UK, and a large extended family in California--and since said partner's family is in Canada, there is absolutely no way of seeing any of these people without time-consuming and expensive travel.<br /><br />In practice, Thanksgiving and Christmas are for family, summer is for moving (at my own expense) to a UK location where I can do research and see my partner a couple of weekends a month. Not only is this not exactly how I envisioned my life partnership as I was growing up, I don't think any of my close-knit family ever imagined that it would become normal to pack all of our time together into one six-week slice of the year, and to have nearly-eleven-month gaps between visits.<br /><br />And long distances, and the havoc that time zones wreak on schedules, have knock-on effects on friendships in addition to those you've mentioned. If you have to carve out a block of your afternoon once or twice a week to Skype with your partner because he's five hours ahead of you, you really can't go out with (or call) friends that night--you're doing the work that didn't get done that afternoon. I can think of one pair of friends whose wedding we've both attended: missed opportunities to create memories and share special moments for all of us. In fact, most of my US-based friends have never met my partner, while I've never met most of his European and Canadian friends. That's a bizarre gap for many of my oldest, closest friends to have in their knowledge of me and my life.<br /><br />I like your solutions, and I'll have to think about how to adapt them to my particular set of geographical challenges!<br /><br />-SvdL<br /><br />*On and off because (perhaps unsurprisingly) we've twice convinced ourselves that a relationship was unsustainable under these conditions...and then changed our minds.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post-43196983732999449222014-12-03T23:24:48.186-05:002014-12-03T23:24:48.186-05:00Word. Also: spending all the leisure time and mo...Word. Also: spending all the leisure time and money just visiting one another, so that taking a real vacation--to a vacationy locale with vacationy relaxation--is ever pre-empted by the commute.Renaissance Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06243095907452011303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post-87931589092406154172014-12-01T16:27:33.515-05:002014-12-01T16:27:33.515-05:00Sympathies.Sympathies.Withywindlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11465319711207992232noreply@blogger.com