tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post247345148292242631..comments2023-12-23T04:56:29.702-05:00Comments on Ferule & Fescue: One is silver and the other goldFlaviahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17832765671541392835noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post-7693083251052723272015-08-08T08:52:25.367-04:002015-08-08T08:52:25.367-04:00Sorry, just saw this post, but it resonates. Four ...Sorry, just saw this post, but it resonates. Four years ago, I moved to a fancy new job at a giant university after nearly 20 years at a smaller comprehensive university. There I stIll have deep and important friendships, but I haven't made those equivalent friendships at my new place. I'm sort of relieved to learn my experience isn't unusual, although I'd still like to find a new BFF.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post-64509295558757273422015-07-23T16:55:23.739-04:002015-07-23T16:55:23.739-04:00I've been somewhat fortunate by the fact that ...I've been somewhat fortunate by the fact that I've stayed in ("been stuck in" I would have said once, but no more) my first and only TT job for well over a decade now, so friendships have had time to ripen. And I'm unpartnered and childless, so I have time for unstructured things.<br /><br />That said, every time one of our close circles of friends confesses to having put in a job application somewhere, we always wish them well, and let them know how important they are to us. And we all understand that both of those things are true. The new close friends we make in our 30s and 40s are precious because they tend to be fewer.Notorious Ph.D.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08700875559325201086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post-61817214240540624462015-07-17T01:30:59.270-04:002015-07-17T01:30:59.270-04:00Fie:
I hadn't thought about that as a potenti...Fie:<br /><br />I hadn't thought about that as a potential problem--almost all my college friends are non-academics, but they also have busy and complicated work-lives and struggle with family/work balance as much as my academic friends--but you're right that when there's a real mismatch on that level it's hard to get close. No one wants to have to explain the basics of why her life is organized the way it is! Flaviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17832765671541392835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27054305.post-4762016220213114682015-07-15T17:16:25.747-04:002015-07-15T17:16:25.747-04:00I was just saying to hubby how hard it is for me t...I was just saying to hubby how hard it is for me to make friends outside of work or conferences. It seems when I do make some friends -- like parents of the kids' friends -- it's hard to maintain those relationships because those people don't understand our very busy lives. For instance, one friend is a nurse, and she works 3, 12-hour shifts per week, meaning she doesn't work 4 days a week. She spends that time with her garden, her children, and working on her house, among other things. She doesn't understand how I barely see my children and that I travel without them often (for conferences) and doesn't understand how I could accept/participate in/enjoy a career that doesn't allow me for much family time. Other academics get it. Non-academics don't. I feel really judged by non-academics about the non-academic parts of my life. Fie upon this quiet life!https://www.blogger.com/profile/12047096700049201873noreply@blogger.com